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Welcome to my home. That door you just kicked in was locked for your protection, not mine
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Early morning sex has been proven to be more effective than coffee
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Some days there comes a time when no matter what the question is the answer is wine
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Wish me luck at the Olympics. Just kidding. I'm on my fourth cupcake
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That moment when you realize your children have your twisted sense of humor
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roses are red, wine is also red. poems are hard wine
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dark knight rises chess piece hanging from balloon
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Remember when you come to my house, my pets live here. You are just a guest
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I would really appreciate it if you wore pants more often
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Folding your arms doesn't hide the boner
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Einstein funny - 3 things are infinity: human stupidity and the amount of zubats in dark cave
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Couples
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boy dies after masturbating!
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free handcuffs with every frame bed
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Cyndi Lauper claims that girls just want have fun. Girls just wanna eat without getting fat
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I glove you. I'm smitten
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I love when my brain chemicals and hormone levels are just right and I actually enjoy life
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Truth men who do housework get laid more often
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I miss the rains down in Africa and I miss Kansas
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Cutest GPS - turn right meow
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Get me some wine, bitches love wine
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Coffee first, your bullshit second
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I'm still kinda pissed that they never did tell us how to get to sesame street
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I hate to spend money but the economy needs me
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Sorry I can't indicate my desire for morning sex in a manner other than furiously humping your back
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NBC Olympics Coverage vs NASA - NBC 6 hour delay for an event 3500 miles away. NASA 14 minute...
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house on small island driveway
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Dear peanut butter thank you for existing
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When I know my wife is watching me
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a bible that's falling apart usually belongs to someone who isn't
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I may have over-trusted that fart
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there is a cat that never goes out. because it's an indoor cat
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My worst nightmare is that Kristen Stewart will play Anastasia Steele in the 50 shades movie
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Bad, good, very good and Charlie Sheen
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Am sorry!! Can't cure stoopid
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Cleaning with kids in the house is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos
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this is not lying down. This is savasana
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It's before not b4-- you speak english not bingo
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John Lennon dog
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Angry traveler's guide to obscene gestures
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When Women Drink funny
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Unattended children will be given an espresso and a free puppy. LOL
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dog pees on cop car
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How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony. Not hard
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Kittens in cup
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Why do you bother hiding your underwear the the gyno's office. She's gonna be looking right up...
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What I do when I'm late funny
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exercise? I though you said accessorize
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If you think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, it's because it's fertilized...
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lion comes out of the house