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awkward moment when you can't find your bra, so you just stuff your boobs in your pants
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I'm not clumsy. It's just the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies and the wall...
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I only say bless you twice. If you sneeze a third time, I assume it didn't take and that you're...
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when call me maybe OMG not again. I threw a wish in the well. Don't ask me I'll never tell
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I'm always disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually catch on fire
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:)You're my best friend until you start calling me instead of texting
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Life was much simpler when we could play friendly game of red rover and just clothesline the...
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I don't think I could ever stab someone. I mean let's be honest. I can barely get the straw in...
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soI alwasy say I'm on my way when I haven't even left my house yet
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I don't always feel like I'm on top of the gene pool but when I do, I'm at walmart
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Kids have so much energy because they siphon it out of their parents like midget gasoline thieves
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it doesn't matter how old or gangster you are- if a toddler hands you a toy phone, you answer...
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I hate it when I'm singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong
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I don't feel like folding the laundry so I just restart the dryer
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Lean in real close and whisper at your kids instead of yelling
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Checking your phone to see what time it is and checking it again because you weren't paying...
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If you can't win an argument, correct their grammar instead
